Rejected Sean McDermott Speech Ideas

It turns out 9/11 was actually one of his better options.

Whether you follow sports or not, you’ve probably heard last week’s big story about Buffalo Bills head coach Sean McDermott. Well, it turns out that in 2019 he gave a speech where he used the 9/11 terrorists as an example of a group of people who came together to accomplish an unlikely task. 

That sounds pretty bad, but it’s actually not as bad as it could’ve been. Thanks to a special source inside the Bills organization, Tuesday Has a Feel has gotten a hold of a few of Coach McDermott’s other rough drafts over the years, which are somehow even worse. We can’t reveal our source, but a special thank you to a certain Bills player whose name rhymes with Posh Dallen for giving us the following speech ideas that Sean McDermott ultimately decided not to go with:

• Don’t Mail It In On Game Day: Lessons from the Unabomber

• Attacking New England’s Defense: What the Buffalo Bills Can Learn From the Boston Bomber

• Hitler Was a Painter, Too: How Cherished Hobbies Can Help Reduce Game Day Stress

• Storming the Capitol: How a Strong Rushing Attack Can Intimidate Washington

• Unifying the Locker Room of the Middle East: Sean McDermott’s Plan for Israel and Palestine

• Harvey Weinstein Has Two Oscars: The Importance of Not Defining Yourself by Small Mistakes

• Stay Hot and Get the Win: What Climate Change and Sea Level Rise Can Teach Us About Defeating Miami

• Preventing Stalin’ in the Red Zone: How the KGB’s Tactics Can Lead to Kick-ass Goals in Buffalo

• Ted Bundy Was Mormon: How Spirituality Can Help You Accomplish Big Things

• Sean McDermott’s Holocaust Lessons Part 7: Creating a Legacy That Can’t Be Denied

Terrible Seinfeld Premise of the Week

In which I get a terrible joke out of my system via Jerry Seinfeld. 

“What’s the deal with boughs of holly? Nothing else comes in boughs. You’re not at the corner store like ‘Ya can I get a bough of chips, a bough of detergent, a couple boughs of cigarettes and a six pack of beer? Ya, know what, make that six pack a bough.’”

Kramer’s Redemption Premise of the Week

In which I pitch a pretty decent premise on behalf of Michael Richards, as part of the comeback America has been waiting for.

“Every time I open my phone I see all this stuff about Alpha males. Now I hear we’ve got Sigma males? What’s next? Kappa Kappa Gamma males? I’m definitely not intimidated by a bunch of Instagram bros acting like Elle Woods.”